10 Aug 2021

You've seen the movies. The unbearable sexual tension between lifelong best friends finally climaxing (lol), whilst they hook up for the first time. Monica and Chandler. Harry and Sally. Ted and Robin. Jess and Nick...

The audience is paid off. Finally! This perfect pair has gotten together. Yeeewww!

But life tends to stray from Hollywood plotlines. When I had sex with my mate, there weren't any fireworks. I didn't realise, when our lips met, that he was the guy I'd been waiting for and the irony was, he was right in front of me the whole time.

'Staffies' is what we called after-work drinks at the pub I worked at. It was a Saturday night and all of us co-workers were exhausted from such a munted shift. It was a friend I'd had for years, (he got me the job there) and I had one too many beers (did I mention that staffies were half-priced?).

I honestly can't piece together what really happened. One minute we were walking home together in the middle of the night (we lived nearby). The next, we were pashing against a tree... and we went back to my place... and it just happened.

Afterwards, we both realised that it was a mistake. We laughed, he went home and I sat in my bed wanting to peel the skin from my body. Yuck. The sex was alright! But we both knew that we didn't like each other that way. And we didn't wanna think about each other that way.

I like to think that I handle things maturely, but this was too much for me to handle. Our next shift, the next day, I asked the manager if I could be put on a different bar (just so I didn't have to work alongside my friend). But then, I plucked up the courage to soften this out. If you're in the same boat, here is your next POA.

Re-establish that friend dynamic

In the days and weeks following, it’s important to reinforce the friend zone by doing your best to revert back to your pre-sex dynamic. Talk about the movie you saw recently, rip into them how you normally would, tag them in memes. 

Things might seem a little plastic or stale but sooner or later that feeling will blow right over. 

Don't take it so seriously

Life doesn't have to be taken so seriously. At first, I treated this dramatically as if my life was over but for real. We're only human! Sometimes we do stupid things for the fun of it.

So laugh about it. Make jokes about it. You don't have to ignore the sex and act like it never happened, you can just laugh about it and move on.

If needed, take a hiatus

Buuuut, if things are really weird, switch into damage-control mode and scale back your friendship until you feel more in control of the situation. It's fine to not talk as much as you normally would for a little bit. Again, you're just biding your time until things blow over, because they will!

I'm still best mates with my friend. We hardly think about that time. He talks to me about his girlfriend dramas now and I ask him to wing woman for me.

Sex doesn't have to ruin a friendship! Trust me, things will be kinda weird for a little bit, but as George Harrison once sang; "All things shall pass". I don't think he was talking about an accidental root and scoot with an ILY BFFL, but hey, the meaning still stands.